Stop waiting for life to happen
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For a long time, there has been a part of me that was obsessed with the known, with everything being monotonous, with everyday looking predictable, with people reacting in ways I expect them to, and simply everything being under my control. And I didn't realise it until a few months back when I started spending more time with myself and started to actually notice all of the thoughts that cross my mind.
After spending almost 5 years in college & hostel, when I finally came home, I was expecting comfort, quietness, and an ease in life which isn't really a part of your college life. But when I came home, I didn't feel any of it. I had expectations from myself, I still had goals, and besides that, each of my family member had expectations from me.
And somewhere between all of this, life also happens. So while juggling between my career, my health, my personal life, I somewhere forgot to slow down. Everyday I would wake up anxious thinking how today's gonna test me. I would be exhausted, irritated, and simply wait for things to get better.
Whenever I thought "Oh I want to read this book" I'd reply to myself, "I will once everything gets better" or if I watched a recipe on Instagram and if I felt like trying it, I'd say to myself "I'll try making it when I have time and energy to do so" and the time never came, I forgot about the recipe and I kept myself waiting and waiting for the right time to come, for things to get better.
This only made me more anxious because I wasn't listening to myself, because I was in a constant loop of fulfilling everybody's expectations, making everything on the outside look perfect, and just thinking that if I do my best right now, a day will come when I will be living my "dream life"
And it's very recently that I realised that I was just buying time. I constantly kept telling myself that someday things are gonna look better, someday I would be able to find time to read all my favourite books, cook all recipes that I want to try out, and simply do every other thing I'd imagine myself doing when things apparently "got better".
8 months passed and nothing changed, I was still waiting for life to feel a lot more like life rather than some unknown battle I'd wake up to everyday.
And then one day I was tired, tired of telling myself the same lie again and again that things are gonna get better, that I am gonna feel better, that if I achieve my goals, fulfil my dreams, then only I will be worthy of living my life the way I wish to.
But I was wrong, I forgot that this is MY life, and I can do exactly what I want to do with it. I can read as many books I want to read, I can cook whatever the hell I want to cook, I can pamper myself, I can watch my favourite tv shows, I can be wherever I wanna be, I can be whoever I want to be, and still be disciplined to work on my goals, still be serious about my career, still be learning and growing.
And most importantly, I don't need to have everything sorted out in life in order to enjoy it and do my favourite things. I can be stuck in some problem, I might have a bad day or a bad week, I can feel sad, but I still have the choice to do what I want, to not let my problems get in the way of enjoying life. I can enjoy life and I can also handle my problems side by side, I don't have to choose one.
I don't want to wait for life to happen to me, I can live all the moments, I can enjoy every bit of it however I wish to. Even if right now I am not the best version of myself, even though I am still a work in progress, I deserve as much happiness as I allow my future self to have. I don't want to measure my worth on the basis of how much I have achieved or how much skilled I am, I am worthy of all the good things to happen in my life regardless of any performance matrix.
And I WILL make good things happen in my life, I WILL take efforts to live life to the fullest rather than wait for it happen.
That's all for this time!
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2 comments
A wonderful thought shared❤️.Rightly said One need to take reigns of their lives in their own hands. Truly efforts do make difference.
Thank god, i read this article today. I needed to read this soooo much today♥️